As I mentioned in my last post, a whole lot has changed in the past year for me. The happiest change? I’m PREGNANT! 🙂
Easier Said than Done
My husband and I had been trying to get pregnant since this past December. Each month following, I convinced myself that it had happened, that we were going to have our first child. It didn’t matter that the pregnancy tests came back negative; I told myself that I just needed to wait a few days and check again. It was gutting to find out, each month, that I genuinely wasn’t pregnant.
Bring Me a Latte & Make it a Double
Since I had been abstaining from caffeine and alcohol entirely during those first few months, I began to have a few beverages after it was official that I wasn’t pregnant. It almost became a reset to the “trying for baby” clock. The tests would come back negative, and then I’d drown my sorrows with a skinny vanilla latte.
Rinse & Repeat
This routine quickly became the norm. I was so used to it that I got some pregnancy tests in advance of our friends’ August wedding. The timing was going to work out so that I would know for sure that I wasn’t pregnant (since that’s how it seemingly worked…or didn’t!) and could enjoy some Pimm’s cocktails during the reception. Instead, something very exciting happened that month.
For the first time, the test strip showed a very light second line. Was it real?? I was told by a friend that you can’t be a little bit pregnant – you are or you aren’t – and sure enough, the next test showed an even darker second line a few days later. When a doctor confirmed the same, it was surreal.
The saddest part of finding out we were pregnant was better understanding why people say “expecting” instead of simply “having a child.” The miscarriage rate in the first trimester is roughly an astounding 20%, and even after that, there are still risks. We very fortunately made it through those first three months pretty easily, and I’m blessed to say that we now have five months left to go.
I also get why they say that pregnant women glow. There’s something magical about growing a new life in your belly, especially when not everyone knows – it’s a magnificent secret. Each day, it begins to feel more and more real. I’ve been starting to notice what must be the baby moving: sudden, concentrated points of mild pressure that come and go. I’m incredibly lucky, and knowing what a loving husband I have (he won’t even let me bring light groceries into the house these days), I’m overjoyed for our next chapter.